Sponge bath it is.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
