??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
