my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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