I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
