Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
