She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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