If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
