Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
