im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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