I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
