I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
