is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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