Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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