It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
