Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
