I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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