I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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