Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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