His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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