Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
