i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
