I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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