I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
