I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
