i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
