I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
