dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
