Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
