New low: just hacked my moms facebook
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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