my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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