Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
