you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
