Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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