i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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