Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
