Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
