So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
