Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
NoShamevember. You game?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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