Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
