The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
