So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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