You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
