Your tits are I can't wait for
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
