Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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