if you like me you must not know who I am
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
