Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
