When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
