I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
