After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
