Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
