Old men and throwing up are my life now.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
