I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
