am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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