im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
