I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
