I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
